ONE people

one person. thats all i am. i cant make a difrence, im not worth that, the earths estemated population in 2013 is around 7,100,414,100 people. there are 7,100,414,100 humans. 7,100,414,100 personalitys, 7,100,414,100 brains, 7,100,414,100 people who came from familys with history, 7,100,414,100 lives with chalenges, 7,100,414,100 potential sucsess stories, 7,100,414,100 possible cancer curing scientists, it goes on. when you think about how small we are, what a small effect we could have on our earth, you must also think about the things that have already been accomplished by people, persons, a group of single people joind together to make somthing bigger, stronger then anything they could do on there own. (something i found on my hard drive that i wrote i dont know when, i dont know how long ago.)

censorship

What do I think about censorship..? I think its a misunderstood under utilized, convenient way of misconstruing Americas expressive rights. With that being said, I do think that some form of moderation is needed so that we don't end up with 6 year old's looking at porn at bed time, or an over 21 age limit on purchasing government indorsed news articles. In America books, movies, and games use a rating system to show what audience it was intended for and any rating higher then M (for games) PG13 (for movies) or mature (for books) require either an ID or parental guidance upon purchase. This would be a good system if it weren't for the fact that it sucks. When I was in middle school I had listened to all of the realistic fiction audio books in our library's teen section and I was ready to move onto the YA/ adult fiction section, but they would not let 13 year old me check them out without a parent. This not only sucks, but its just not fair. I was an avid reader and was mentally capable of reading higher level books. Now, I don't think everyone should have to complete a knowledge and intuition test before receiving a library card, to determine what they are and aren't allowed to read. That sounds too much like Communism. But I do think we need to mediate a system for censoring. Most library's have a kids, teens, young adult, and adult section. That's a god thing, we did a good thing there but we need to figure out how we can monitor media. Books and games are WAY over censored, and that needs to change because we all know its out there on the internet for whoever wants it. Don't get me started on that...

ALIGNMENT

Alignment I would not call myself a pessimist or an optimist, I wouldn't even call myself a realist. I refuse to label things by the way they are viewed as a whole. Some things have more positive features, some have more negative. The issue with judging things this way is that while some situations have more positive parts their negative parts may be more promanent. In a situation with 6 bad parts and 1 good one, the good might still might still outweigh the bad. Its all about value when it comes to these types of truth. Meaning and value. It’s the true way to balance your views.

The Focus Factor

beep, beep, beep.... I am not terminally ill, I am in now way critical. But its still a concept for our consciousness. Appendicitis, internal infection or whatever they decide the issue is; I've been admitted. I entered the emergency room expecting to be discharged an hour or so later with some pain and anti nausea medication. But instead after 9 hours in the ER I was brought up to the inpatient floor. Its 4:06am and I'm on my 4th IV bag, tons of zofran, and about 4 high doses of morphine. I don't think I'm going to die, but non the less I still cant stop my mind from poking at the idea. And sitting here at 4am on my laptop with the lights off (so as not to disturb my roommate) I worry for my illness. Is it selfish for me to worry about my appendicitis when down the hall im sure somebody is dying of cancer? Maybe. But it is surely a wast of my mental capacity. If you ask me, our minds kind of work like a computer (I know this is a frequently used analogy) but for all intensive purposes well say my mind is a 32 gigabyte iPhone. Since I have a lot of space for applications, pictures, and software; you might think there is no reason to worry about leaving FaceBook running in the background, and you are probably right. But once you've got it in your mind that you have unlimited space, we forget that its impossible for anything to be truly endless, except space {NO EDGE}. So eventually if you dont force quit your applications every ow and again, you might have a hardware crash. in my mind, the issue we run into is less about hyper focusing on one thing, and more about under focusing on too many things. So the fact that I am missing my D&D campaign while im in the hospital, im sure my Dad is concerned about my medical condition, and my mind is toying with its own morality is way more stressful then if I was just focused on this moment, and its concerns. So whats the message here? Live in the moment. Its over preached, but under utilized.

can life be thoughtless?

Can life be thoughtless? Alarm goes off, get up, get dressed, turn on coffee maker, take some tums. We spend so much of our lives just going through the motions of living, of being here in the moment where we exist. Brush teeth, pack a sandwich, grab coffee, get in the car. Drive for a while. I don't necessarily think we move to fast, or do too much, per say, I think we just don't live in the things we do. Arrive at work, get out, meet with a costumer, take an Advil, eat the packed lunch, refill coffee, empty paper shredder. We focus on completing mundane tasks that really don't further our personal existence. Talk to boss, refill coffee, unjam the stapler, water desk plant, use the rest room, the fact that we do these things is not bad, its the fact that we don't use them to further existence that ruins our morals and we don't realize that we have fallen into mindlessness until suddenly doubled over in pain, shaking uncontrollably, unable to stand or call for help we realize that we have lost our true meaning. In just a moments time there are ambulances, flashing lights, then things go dark. We as humans tend to go through our existence as if everything just is. This hurts out outlook, or morals, and our potential as conscious humans working to further existence. Often times we continue like this until something happens to shake up our understanding of what is real. In times of real trial we realize our fallibility. Being in a situation where we have no power over the outcome, and experiencing the fear that comes with not only the knowledge, but also the understanding of our morality can give us that insight as to what we have missed. Bright lights and tubes, family is gathered, your wife is holding your hand. What happened? You think. Leading from one question to the next, eventually leading to the real question: what happens if I die? This is a scary question in of itself, but realizing that you have asked yourself the question, makes all the difference. How should we continue life with the incite on how entirely fallible we are? It might make you think about what you do with the time you have, you may want to change that. Or, you might want to change your incite on those mundane tasks you do. They might be more important then you think, with your incite in the right place.

human sufforing

Today I am stuck with this idea of being crushed. The image of being physically crushed is scary, it makes you think of pain, being pinned against the ground., unable to move or breath. Suffocating. But being crushed is not allays a physical thing. I do believe that I am being crushed, not by a physical object, or blunt force. But instead by my own knowledge and understanding. Knowing what pain is, and having a vague idea of what suffering means is more weight than I can handle today. The saying “ignorance is bliss.” is more accurate then id ever like it to be. I wish I was unaware of what may cause pain, I wish I was unaware of other peoples struggles. Human suffering is a vast concept to grasp. With the knowledge of pain, and what it means to be in pain leaves us with a duty that none of us signed up for., and that duty is compassion. People who have experienced true human suffering know what its like to feel disparate For a way out. Most of us want to lead the person out of wherever they are in there pain. And sometimes its hard for us to handle. we know somebody who is in pain and want to fix it for them. But we can't because it is not our battle to fight. I do feel that I felt another persons pain. That, I believe is what compassion really is. And that in its self, is suffering. ~Allyson Sutphin