the pish-posh about love

Contradictory mental engagement rant #1 (note: non of this is intensely accurate, i'm just ranting) I hate loving people. That's actually not true, I love having the ability to love people, and I love loving people. But I hate the fact that loving people actually ends in disaster most times. I'm not even talking specifically about heartbreak. Im talking more about how I don't have the mental capability to keep loving people just to see them destroy themselves, me, or a combination of the two. Like I get that people have issues and things need to be addressed. But its like when somebody texts you and you get exited about having somebody to talk to, then shortly after they say they have to go negating the conversation. You then realizes either A) your conversation was less important then something else. Or B) that it doesn't matter because textual communication is the opposite of intimate anyway. For me its usually both. I think I lose the ability to actually love anyone after this happens (losing a person, not a broken texting conversation) I hate to say I lose the ability to love myself, but I do. I put to much into love, then lose it when it ends. I think this is because I don't love general things and existence, but I pinpoint the things I will love and the rest falls through the cracks, Leaving me feeling meaningless and alone. So how can we keep ourselves from falling through the metaphorical cracks of life? Well, there are two solutions: love everything, or love nothing, and id recommend the former. Not speaking from experience though.